Star Trek: The Musical
by beautiful dreamere
Summary: pesky ion storms. they have all sorts of strange effects. including...singing songs from old Terran musicals? well...this should be interesting... crack!fic
1. Take me or leave me

Title: Star Trek the musical

Rating: K, though it may change.

Warnings: Singing and slash.

Spoilers: probably not.

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or any of the music used

Inspired by a Star Trek kink meme prompt: _Okay. Maybe I'm slightly in a weird mood from watching Across the Universe, but I want it. Something in the water? Dust? I don't care. I want the crew members to randomly break out in songs at the right times and moments something close to the movie and the Buffy episode 'Once more with feeling!' Dancing isn't required, but would be cute. Beatles, Monkees, bluegrass, pop, rock- anything that fits the mood of the required musical breaks._

I don't think this is necessarily going to resemble ATU and I've never seen that episode of Buffy, but it will have singing and most likely dancing.

* * *

It was a normal day on the Enterprise. That is to say, something weird was going on. After all, it is the Enterprise. By its standards, an abnormal day would be one in which nothing the least bit strange, abnormal, or out of the ordinary happened. Of course, with so many odd goings on aboard the ship, the off the wall things that happened were pretty much ordinary, so maybe nothing out of the ordinary really happened or damn, I've gone cross-eyed. Well then…at any rate, everyone was singing. Not every word mind you. No, just when an opportune moment for a song came up, almost as though someone were orchestrating the whole thing and neatly writing in songs where perfectly good dialogue could go. Of course they weren't though. That'd be silly.

The whole ordeal began when a particularly sneaky ion storm defied the detection skills of the Enterprise and the sensors didn't go off until they were smack dab in the dead center of it. The sensors had the effect that most sensors do, TV channel test sensors aside, of sending everyone into panic and frenzy. Once they were safely on the other side, having lost only one person (an unfortunate red shirt was somehow trampled in the chaos), things calmed down and everything seemed to be in order. Right up until Kirk and Spock got into a lover's quarrel, or what one would describe a lover's quarrel if it involved anyone but Spock. Spock didn't quarrel so much as calmly state facts after your every yell until you were blue in the face, and then he would almost, but not quite smirk, as though knowing he'd won even if you never admitted it.

Yeoman Rand came onto the bridge with some papers for Kirk to sign. After he'd done so, she walked off and he spun his chair around just so he could watch her behind as she left. Spock had the decency to wait until she was out of ear shot before turning to his lover. "I don't believe that particular action was very becoming of a starship captain" he stated as calmly as ever. Kirk spun so he was facing Spock, grinning.

"It's not that big a deal" he said, pulling an apple out of…umm…somewhere. (Nobody felt the need to question where he stashed them) He rubbed it against his shirt and took a big bite. Spock, managing to look ticked without actually looking ticked, watched him for a moment before replying.

"When one is in a committed relationship, they are not supposed to objectify others and yet you do so, and on an alarmingly regular basis. I have calculated that there is a nearly 75% chance you will do so on any given day" he stated, trying to keep a hold on his emotions, though only Uhura and Kirk were able to tell he was doing so. (Everyone else just though he looked just slightly constipated) It was at this point things went haywire. Kirk opened his mouth to reply and reply he did but not as he intended to. Rather, he replied in song, specifically a song from an old Terran musical, belting out the lyrics "_Every single day, I walk down the street, I hear people say baby's so sweet_" he slammed his mouth shut and stared, wide-eyed at Spock. Opening it again produced the same result, more song lyrics. "_Ever since puberty, everybody stares at me, boys girls I can't help it baby_" he shut his mouth again, which made him look rather like a goldfish, and sat there, unsure what to do. He seemed to struggle for a moment before standing up and singing for all he was worth.

"_So be kind and don't lose your mind, just remember that I'm your baby." _he moved about the bridge as he sang, performing for all he was worth. "_Take me for what I am" _he was looking at Spock as he sang now. "_Who I was meant to be and if you give a damn, take me baby or leave me take me baby or leave me" _he looked at Spock was nonplussed. "_A tiger in a cage can never see the sun. This diva needs his stage, baby let's have fun" _he held out a hand to Spock, who totally ignored it. "_You are the one I choose. Folks would kill to fill your shoes" _it was at this point that Chekov opened his mouth, presumably to say something about being willing to take Spock's place, but alas we'll never know since Sulu slapped a hand over his mouth.

"_You love the limelight too now baby_" Spock opened his own mouth at this point, no doubt to point out that he did in fact not like the limelight but it was Kirk in this case that didn't allow him to reply. "_So be mine and don't waste my time, crying oh honey bear are you still my my my baby_?" he tried to kiss Spock and was rewarded with a low "don't you dare". He simply straightened and kept singing. "_Take me for what I am who I was meant to be, and if you give a damn, take me baby or leave me_" he belted out, by this point totally singing to Spock. "_no way can I be what I'm not, but hey, don't you want your boy hot? Don't fight don't lose your head, cause every night, who's in your bed?" _he kneeled in front of Spock, looking up at him. "_Who? Who's in your bed? Kiss pookie?" _He looked up at Spock, who opened his mouth to reply and found himself doing so, but, unsurprisingly, in song.

"_It won't work! I look before I leap, I love logic and disciple, I make lists in my sleep baby, what's my sin?" _he sang, surprisingly well, standing up and looking down at Kirk. "_Never quit, I follow though, I hate mess but I love you. What do with my impromptu baby? So be wise, cause this guy satisfies. You've got a prize well don't compromise, you're one lucky baby" _hekept his attention entirely on Kirk. "_Take me for what I am" _Kirk looked at him. "A control freak" he replied. "_Who I was mean to be" _Spock continued unabated. "_Who I was meant to be" _Kirk snorted. "A snob yet over attentive" was his answer. "_And if you give a damn" _everyone's heads were going back and forth as if at a tennis match. Kirk was headed towards the door. "A loveable droll geek" he snapped. "_Take me baby or leave me" _Spock began to follow Kirk. Kirk spun around. "An anal retentive!" Kirk spit out, staring at Spock.

"_That's it! The straw that breaks my back!" _they sang together, getting progressively closer to each other. "_I quit!" _they belted into each other's faces. "_unless you take it back" _Spock added. "_men!" _they stared at each other "_what is it about them?"_ Kirk questioned. "_Can't live with them or without them" _the look on Uhura's face plainly stated that she agreed. "_Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be and if you give a damn, take me baby or leave me" _they really harmonized quite well, especially for being as pissed off as they were. "_Take me baby, take me or la-la-la-la-la-leave me" _Kirk added, nearly pressing himself against Spock to make his point. "_Take me baby or leave me!" _they sang, staring each other down. "Guess I'm leaving! I'm gone!" they snapped and both stopped, both looking surprised in their own way. All was quiet on the bridge as Kirk and Spock looked at each other, and everyone else looked at them. "I think we should go to med bay" Kirk said still looking shocked.

A/n: feedback welcomed, because i'm not sure how much i like this. good? bad? so-so? spectacular? let me know! (flames will just be used to burn this so i can start again)


	2. Tomorrow

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or the music or even the Dark Knight quote (or the bit in the last chapter about going cross-eyed. That was a reference to Austin Powers)

A/n: Wicked is totally going to be in here, just not yet. Kirk is having way too much fun and refused to listen. I had to promise him Bones would have a song all to himself to keep him from completely taking over.

Yeah, no lie, so I told him he could kiss my…Oh! Hi! Now where were…ah yes…the Enterprise crew had been screwed up by the ion storm and were now singing during opportune moments. After a bit of debate Spock and Kirk were the only ones to go to sick bay, as they were the only ones afflicted so far. They found Bones in his usual grumpy mood but Kirk was unbothered. He simply bounded in and plunk himself down on a biobed, calling out a cheerful "hey bonesy!" as he did so.

"No blood, no oddly hanging limbs, you haven't turned purple again. Why are you here? For that matter why is here Spock?" Bones asked as he studied his best friend. Kirk grinned.

"We sang Bones, sang. It was awesome!" he grinned like he'd solved the world hunger problem (though that was solved years before he was born). Bones raised an eyebrow at him .

"So? Big deal" he said, going back to loading hypo-sprays. Kirk began swinging his feet, still grinning.

"Yeah but it wasn't of our own accord" he said, picking up some interesting looking orange stuff and studied it. Bones was quick to snatch it out of his hand though, and loading into a hypo-spray before Kirk could do something stupid with it, or find out the hard way that he was allergic. He then grabbed a scanner and ran it over Kirk and studied the results, before doing to the same to Spock.

"It's a residual effect of that ion storm I'd say. It probably won't last more than a few weeks" he declared, turning back to what he'd previously been doing. Kirk looked at him, a grin slowly appearing on his face. If it had been a cartoon there would have been a light bulb glowing above his head.

"Hey bones, why so serious? Let's put a smile on that face" he asked, branding a scalpel and attempting and totally failing to be creepy. Bones just looked at him, raised one eyebrow and quickly took the scalpel back.

"You sounded like a dying cat" he said. Kirk pouted. Bones chuckled and went back to work yet again.

"You need to be happy bonesy. Cheer up!" Kirk declared. Bones didn't even dignify it with a glance.

"I'm content the way I am" he said, "and if you don't get out, I'll be forced to use one of these on you" he threatened, waving a hypo spray in Kirk's face. Kirk hopped up and started singing, nearly making Bones stab himself with the hypo he was holding.

"_The sun'll come out tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar, they'll be sun_!" Kirk sang, grinning. Bones looked at him, surprised for a moment, before for turning back to the task at hand.

"We're in space. There isn't going to be any sun unless we happened to end up in the vicinity of it, which I highly doubt we will" he replied. Kirk kept smiling, undaunted.

"_Just thinking about tomorrow, cleans away the cobwebs and the sorrow, till there's none" _he continued, still watching his best friend.

"More like makes me want to put everyone on this tin can under sedation until the effect wears off so I don't have to hear any more damn singing" he grumbled, refusing to look up.

"_When I'm stuck with a day that's gray and lonely_" he did a dance around Bones, trying to make him look up.

"Again, we're in space. It's typically black, not gray." Was all the reaction he was rewarded with.

"_I just stick out my chin and grin and saaaayyyy ohhh" _he pressed on, partly in determination to make Bones look up, partly because the effect forced him to. Of course not believing in no win situations and all, he no doubt would have kept on even if he wasn't forced. Besides, annoying Bones was fun.

"Chin nothing. You stick out an entirely different body part." Bones grumbled. "And I have to fix it when it turns aquamarine, or spotted, or starts to fall off" Kirk stumbled over the words a bit then, laughing as he sang.

"_The_ _sun'll come out tomorrow, so you gotta hang on til tomorrow, come what may_" he belted out. Bones rolled his eyes.

"Like the inevitable bad singing we'll be forced to endure assuming everyone was affected this way?" he questioned. Kirk laughed some more, turning his not bad singing into a half choked, slightly garbled mess.

"_Tomorrow, tomorrow! I love ya tomorrow! You're only a day away!_" he barely managed to get out, before collapsing on the biobed he'd previously been sitting on. Bones finally looked at him as he lay there gasping for breath.

"I'm surprised. You're not a half bad singer" he said. Kirk grinned up at him. He turned back and Kirk straightened up and leaned forward, placing his chin on Bone's shoulder.

"You're going to have to sing eventually Bones" he said. Bones could actually hear the smirk in his voice. He finished loading the last hypo spray and laid it on the tray with the other.

"God I hope not" he said, carrying the tray to a cabinet and placing it inside. Kirk laughed and hopped up again, this time heading for the door. Spock was already long gone, having had the sense to leave when Kirk first started up.

"I bet you can sing really well though Bonesy" he said. Bones turned around brandishing a hypo, but Kirk was long gone, running down the hallway.

A/n: reviews welcome. (even flames which will be used to burn this chapter so it can be re-written)


	3. unfortunate authors note

A/n: okay so this fic is, unfortunately, on hold. Someone-who-shall-not-be-named sat on my laptop screen and broke it, which wouldn't be a problem except all my notes and such for this are on it. Now there are ways I could get them but they're kinda hard/give me a headache. So if you guys will be patient with me, I'll have a new chappie up as soon as my laptop is repaired.


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